There is always an overhanging unspoken pressure at the beginning of things, a book, a story, a movie, a song. It is no different for me right now. Beginnings often overlay the rest of the tone, they set the bar, aid us to set out expectations. Which is why I should probably clarify something before we continue.
This is not my beginning, this is my dead end. What do I mean when I say this? Well, let me explain.
I have been writing since I was in primary school. I started actually blogging I believe in 2015, so writing has occupied a generous chunk of my life. But the years before now are honestly besides the point. This point right now, this dead-end is the most important part of my journey.
Well because whenever you come to a dead end, I feel there are but two options, stay there and die or turn around. Just to clarify, this post will be leaning more towards the not dying option.
It can be hard, I know, when you come to a dead end and whatever you try to do, you just can’t move on. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by grief or depressed, maybe you’re just fed up with life. Whatever the case, coming out of that situation can be a little tricky. I went through a period of utter dissatisfaction and depression some time ago with how my life had been progressing. I didn’t have a job, we’d moved away from Nairobi to life in the countryside, to cows and chicken and no steady network. So many times I just couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t want to. I hated everything.
Which is why this dead end was so special for me. It was after all my very first step out of the looming dark clouds.
I had so many dark hopeless days where I was deprived of a sense of direction and my faith and hope in God just wasn’t enough to urge me forward. Sometimes, most of the times really, the reality of joblessness, lack of direction and depression was just too real for me to find it within myself to see the light amidst the darkness.
It is at such a time as this that I happened upon creatives; Youtubers, bloggers, Instagrammers and writers alike who nudged me out of my stupor. These amazing individuals sat down, evaluated their lives, but unlike me, chose to do something about their situations.
It was hard yes, and frankly it still is for most of them, being an influencer, blogger, content creator takes a lot out of you. But knowing that someone out there will read your story, see you laugh in your video, hear your music, try your recipes and DIY projects and their day will be just a little brighter pushes them forward. Sure, like me, it may not translate to money right now but if what you are doing now can in some way add some light to somebody else’s life, then hard and immaterially rewarding as it may be, isn’t it worth it, if at least for peace of mind?
I believe it is worth and was worth it at the time to tell someone with so many bad days like me that they don’t have to wait until everything is perfect to make their dreams a reality. Frankly, reality is the thief of joy that reminds us every day that things will never be perfect and you know what? That’s okay.
Things don’t have to be perfect and it’s time we reconcile with that fact. Learn to start living in the crappy imperfect now. Enjoy the crappy imperfect life that God has given you now, but do something incredibly beautiful with it. Let your life on earth mean something more than just merely existing. Live each day, each moment deliberately, praying and asking God to show you what your true purpose in life is and how to get yourself out there and live that full life.
Yeah, you may not enjoy every single second of it, but even the bible says that Christ came that we may have life and not a half life, not a settled life, but a full life; complete, lacking of nothing. Whether or not you believe in God, your life and situations will not change for the better by you simply sitting down and wishing they would change. Do something about your now. Use what you have now as little and crappy as it may seem. Use your talent, your passion and push yourself even when you do not want to move because you know where you want to end up; somewhere better, somewhere peaceful, somewhere full of joy and creativity and passion and progress and growth etc etc.
Don’t stop until you get there.
Yesterday is passed, today is come. Yes, it may not be a beginning per say, you may have done this a couple times over or for the past many years, starting over and hoping that this time you’ll finally get it right, whatever ‘it’ is. But it’s never too late to learn from our mistakes; to change. Let’s start learning how to get to where we’ve always wanted to be.
Let’s get past this dead end.
My favorite scripture in the bible is Philippians 4 : 13
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
It starts with noticing what’s wrong and doing something about it. My prayer is that Christ strengthens us, both you and me to do all the things that we intend to do to start living a full life as he purposed for you and for me.
You have but one life darling, one chance to do this thing called living, so live goddammit… LIVE!