Hey love. So another month has come to the end, and here I am again to look back, evaluate and figure out what I need to do to move forward. I don’t know about you, but consistency is hard, especially when you tend to fall into the trap of analysis paralysis.
The last time I was consciously able to sit down and write a stocktaking post was in May, and I have since dropped into a sort of never-ending black hole. The six months have involved quite a lot of trial and error, and no small measure of self-doubt.
In the age of social media, the need for validation has skyrocketed for me. At some point in the distant future, there was a version of me that did not care much whether my posts got a bunch of likes. This version of myself however feeds on the validation of others and groans bitterly in the absence of it.
As you can imagine, that is not a good place to be when you need to write. Each project becomes weighed down with the need to be better, more captivating, perfect even. In the end, it becomes such a toxic environment for creativity, and one story after another dies a premature death.
I had wanted to participate in NANOWRIMO 2022 for instance, but the burnout was real. I stared at the screen and wanted to cry, not because I didn’t have a story, but because I had spent 6 months in my head. It was hard to put that on the side and just jump in without a plan.
Which is why I had to force myself to jump back on the train. It was painful, and a bit nerve-wracking, but it was necessary. I realize now that I do not need to create something perfect or amazing that appeals to everyone. In fact, what I create might not appeal to anyone but myself. That said, I owe it to myself to get up and tell the stories that are screaming to be told.
November has been hard for me, looking on from the sidelines as others blossomed in their creativity while I cried woe is me. It was a sad affair, and one I wish not to indulge in ever again. So as a way to take steps toward a better me, I have decided to not expect too much of myself.
I will take each day as it comes, pray for grace from God for that day, and do what I know until I know what to do.
That’s me. What about you?
Signed,
Eli
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