Musings Archives - ELI MWALIMU

Footprints In The Sand

I blog to leave footprints in the sand. It’s rather ironic considering how quickly they disappear in the ebb and flow of the sea. Still, a fool’s errand as it may be, I do it with pride.

My reason for blogging lies in part on a love of the sea. The smell and look of it is glorious. Although I’ve never been much for swimming in it. Too much dirt and perpetuated fear of giant octopuses.

Writing Exists Because It Should

There are a lot of things I enjoy about writing.

Foremost is perhaps the freedom that words accord me. I am finite and limited as a physical being. However, my words aren’t. Though they occupy physical property, they transcend space and time.

I Enjoy The Silence

It just hit me that I spend more time agonizing about the things I hate about home. So it’s refreshing to turn the table and consider the opposite. Or is it the indifference?

I enjoy the silence I’ve come to know as normal. When you grow up in the city, peace and quiet are illusions. There is some semblance of tranquility that’s gained when there’s a blackout or people travel upcountry for the holidays. However, these moments are rare and far between.

I Fumble to Find an Answer

If you were to ask what brought me peace 5 years ago, I’d have boldly answered you.

God.

Five years down the line though, my boldness falters and I fumble to find a suitable answer.

Let me explain.

Tools of the Muse

As far as positive emotions go, inspiration hits me the most. Granted, it doesn’t bite as often as I’d like, neither does it last long enough to count. Nevertheless, inspiration feels quite good when it lands.

I used to depend on it a lot as a young writer. As a storyteller, I’ve had to learn to forge it in the land of procrastination and responsibilities. It’s very easy to be inspired when things are going well. It’s a lot harder when shit hits the fan.

The Mirror

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Matthew 7:3-5 NIV

A mirror is, to me, the most important thing to carry with you all the time. To see one’s own true reflection is to know one’s current true state. To know one’s true state is to avert any and all forms of public embarrassment as well as an affront to your own individual standards.

Exhausting State of Affairs

As the deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. – Psalm 43:1

I begin today with scripture because it is necessary, at least from my point of view. Allow me to expound.

The Business of Creating

I am in the business of creating. This is not only limited to my art or writing. It extends to everything else that I do.

You could even go so far as to say that my life in totality is creativity. I’ll explain what I mean.

When I sleep, I dream about stories. Sometimes it’s deliberate because it’s all that’s on my mind. Other times it’s very much a construct of my psyche.

Be Very Ill Mannered

The general call for restraint and obedience bothers me and I’ll tell you why.

I am very well behaved. Have been for the majority of my life. This of course stems from seeing how misbehaviour was dealt with.

Swiftly and unequivocally with increasing force.

Que Sera Sera

A lot of things deteriorate with time. Health for one. There’s also the aspect of faded beauty. Though I suppose one thing in particular gets better, relatively so and that is our ability to accept.

Allow me to explain.

With everything that is too hard to swallow, there’s always acceptance at the very core. Grief, sickness and change in general have this in common. Even though the truth is hard to accept at first, eventually, the mind concedes to it.

This concession is what I believe is refined with age. Ultimately, denial will always linger, even to the very end. We as human beings are inclined to some measure of control. Perhaps it is our recessive godlike quality.

Because of this, we remain rooted to our expectations. We fight to actualise them up until reality snuffs us out. We were born to see perfection personified and we will have it by any means necessary.

That said, our idealism and reality are constantly at opposition. Like twins born to sit the same throne, they fight for dominance. Acceptance is the only exception to their bloody conquest.

I’ve had to accept a lot of things I previously resisted. The loss of my hair stands paramount among them. It wasn’t an option. I had no choice but to accept it.

Perhaps that is why, as a concept, it outlives us. Whether or not we wish to, we must all accept in the end. Resistance is futile because we will be subdued to this reality eventually.

No one can triumph over acceptance.

That said, it is only when we recognise the benefit of acceptance in freeing us from futility that we can begin to tap into its power.

For in the end, que sera sera.