Category Archives: Musings

As a creature of habit, comfort is perhaps my greatest achievement. Over time I have woven the perfect mechanism for sustaining it. It relies on one fundamental truth.

Until it happens naturally, I haven’t done it long enough.

Allow me to expound. At the very core, I’m spontaneous. The thrill of no plan and endless possibilities excites new. However, I am also petrified by the unknown.

Which as you can imagine creates quite the conundrum.

On the one hand, I want to pursue new challenges for the thrill of the chase. On the other hand, the discomfort of exiting my current comfort zone is immense.

So how do I find the middle ground? The easy answer is habit.

I say this because in theory the stance is sound. If you practice something for long enough, it becomes easier to do it minus the initial push and pull. However, you must also put up with the obvious resistance to change.

Over time I’ve noted that I will never enjoy an alternative to my processes. I love maintaining control. It eases my anxiety. However, by introducing discomfort slowly over a long period of time, amidst the routine, I am able to trick myself into progress.

I especially ensure that I bombard myself with the things I enjoy and have been doing for a while, and sprinkle in adjustments a bit at a time.

It’s not the same as plunging in with no plan. But I’ve found that with the plans and routine, I can still do the fun exciting things within the confines of comfort and without sacrificing progress.

In light of recent occurrences in Kenya, I’m particularly excited about impending change. This is because what started as a murmur, gradually grew into a clarion call for transformation.

Now as gullible as I may be, steeped deep into the blindfolded bliss of fiction, I am conscious enough to acknowledge truth. Change does not happen instantaneously.

The Kenyan youth have risen up to call out a tyrannical regime. Of course we cannot blame the current leadership for all the ills that we face. Nor can we strip ourselves of blame as we are the ones who elected them. It is simply unfortunate, in light of enlightenment, that they must bear the brunt and blows of revolution.

As a nation, we stand now at the cusp of something beautiful. In exchange for memes and mindless entertainment, we have as a taken up civic education and propagation for reform.

The electorate, tired of living below minimum wage in deplorable conditions of unemployment, over-taxation and bullying by the office bearers, have championed for an immediate effect of their long held demands.

I stand awed at the collective defiance of the unnecessary largesse flaunted by the elected. The sovereign people instead demand servant leadership, accountability of the arms of government and a fulfillment of any and all false promises.

So yes, I am very excited about the future. To see the youth champion for change, backed by the aged and aging warms my heart.

To see us educating ourselves and pushing for restraint and social responsibility is remarkable. And to do all of this in the face of threats, abductions, police brutality and extrajudicial killings is profound.

I am excited to wake up to a Kenya where leaders are held accountable for their actions and the electorate recognizes it’s core mandate to exercise its constitutional rights.

That future seemed farfetched a month ago. Now, I feel even the air is wrought with hope. So I smile and take up arms alongside my fellow countrymen. We march towards our tomorrow. We go forward to create the Kenya we deserve. The Kenya we have been robbed of for so many years.

We march forward towards change.

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Header image by Hassan Kibwana.

I am a peacemaker. Harmony is the very tune of my soul. So there is literally nothing I wouldn’t let go of for the sake of it.

And there’s a reason why.

Growing up, I deliberately put myself in the line of fire. It wasn’t by choice as much as instinct and self preservation. Conflict made me very uncomfortable, especially when it involved my loved ones.

Seeing them in distress, distressed me. Ending said distress became me life’s mission. Nobody appointed me as their mediator. I voluntarily did it for my own peace of mind.

In retrospect, this is a rather idealistic and pseudo toxic mindset. In truth, not every fire needs to be put out. Conflict is after all an integral part of the human experience.

Unfortunately for me, childhood trauma conditioned my mind to believe that any and all conflict must end in absolute ceasefire because conflict is not a good thing. This is not entirely true.

Conflict, like harmony, is necessary. To have one without the other would be impossible. Each exists on account of the other. Therefore, in light of this, I believe I must alter my fundamental philosophy.

Harmony, integral as it is, should not smother reality. Conflict will happen and sometimes it will be at the expense of my own peace of mind as well as that of my loved ones. In those instances where it is necessary, I must, no, I will sacrifice self preservation for harmony.

The sacrifice may not pan out as a ceasefire. In fact, it may materialize as mutual indifference with a lot of discomfort. This is essentially still harmony. For fundamentally, harmony is agreement. It is compromise. It is sacrifice of self.

So to answer the question, what would I let go of in the quest for harmony? Simple. Me.

Only until I put down self can prejudices be silenced, self preservation be stilled and true harmony be achieved. It happens at the moment when it stops being about me.

Classical music remains at the top of my go to list. With a range that extends all the way from instrumental to magnanimous chorales, I find the genre very satisfying.

I cannot quite recall my introduction to the love of it. For the most part, acapella had always been my musical first love. The ability to create complete beautiful harmony with unaccompanied voice is to me a very fascinating discovery.

Perhaps it is the virtuoso that most classical musicians boast which stole my attention from the former and kept it. I mean I still enjoy acapella. But now I appreciate the value of orchestral music as well.

Besides, as afformentioned, there is variety in the classical music community. This means I can plug in when I need to concentrate, clean or just spend hours immersed in concertos.

If I were to pick a favourite in the large pool that is classical music, I would have to go with the aria.

Listening and watching them performed is life-changing. Plus the costumes are legit goals. I can’t even with how much I want to own a baroque style tux with all the bells and whistles.