I am a peacemaker. Harmony is the very tune of my soul. So there is literally nothing I wouldn’t let go of for the sake of it.
And there’s a reason why.
Growing up, I deliberately put myself in the line of fire. It wasn’t by choice as much as instinct and self preservation. Conflict made me very uncomfortable, especially when it involved my loved ones.
Seeing them in distress, distressed me. Ending said distress became me life’s mission. Nobody appointed me as their mediator. I voluntarily did it for my own peace of mind.
In retrospect, this is a rather idealistic and pseudo toxic mindset. In truth, not every fire needs to be put out. Conflict is after all an integral part of the human experience.
Unfortunately for me, childhood trauma conditioned my mind to believe that any and all conflict must end in absolute ceasefire because conflict is not a good thing. This is not entirely true.
Conflict, like harmony, is necessary. To have one without the other would be impossible. Each exists on account of the other. Therefore, in light of this, I believe I must alter my fundamental philosophy.
Harmony, integral as it is, should not smother reality. Conflict will happen and sometimes it will be at the expense of my own peace of mind as well as that of my loved ones. In those instances where it is necessary, I must, no, I will sacrifice self preservation for harmony.
The sacrifice may not pan out as a ceasefire. In fact, it may materialize as mutual indifference with a lot of discomfort. This is essentially still harmony. For fundamentally, harmony is agreement. It is compromise. It is sacrifice of self.
So to answer the question, what would I let go of in the quest for harmony? Simple. Me.
Only until I put down self can prejudices be silenced, self preservation be stilled and true harmony be achieved. It happens at the moment when it stops being about me.